Hello! My name is Grace, and I am 45 years old. I was born and raised in Milwaukee, WI. I come from several generations of substance abuse and chronic mental illness. It has been a sore subject for both sides of my family. Due to thick pride, we never really talked about all the issues, but rather swept them under the rug. I believe that due to the generational depression and anxiety we have endured, our main coping mechanism became drugs and alcohol to numb out the pain. This lifestyle caused my parents to divorce when I was just 12 years old. Life became chaotic very quickly. My mom had to get a job to support her habits, which created a deep bitterness in her towards my dad. Due to this, she not only made his life a living hell, but mine too. The chaos in our home caused my brother and I to look elsewhere for emotional and physical support. Our mom began to take her anger out on me physically. After a few too many beatings, my dad was granted full custody of my brother and I. In those days I felt so unlovable and unseen.
Within a very short period of time, I learned that alcohol, drugs, and sex covered any pain I felt. My brother and I fell into the street life. Our friends became our family and fell victim to the love of money and started selling drugs to keep up with this lifestyle. Searching for love in all the wrong places, I was a mess. This was just the beginning of decades of living as a complete slave to sin. Gang violence, parties, sex, rape, drugs & alcohol, and abuse became a life I was accustomed to. My daughter was born when I was just 18. I married her dad at 19 and was divorced at 22. We weren't ready for marriage, but we did love our daughter. Shortly after my divorce, I found myself in another relationship that I was certain was love this time. We had a son together, but the codependency was toxic. Soon I found myself as a single mom of 2. I struggled to make ends meet, but we seemed to get by. Even though I was responsible for two other lives, I was extremely mad that my life was so difficult. My children were a blessing to me, and they were my reason to keep on moving forward.
As time passed, seven close friends passed away, a dozen family members, and then we buried my brother who lost his battle with addiction. He left behind a wife and two young daughters. This is when sadness and anger became despair. My new reality. My daughter and my son were extremely close to my brother. We were all very close and losing him tore us to pieces. Addiction had my family in shackles. My mother ended up passing away next and it was then that I knew I had to make some serious changes or addiction was going to take my life too. For 10 years it was funeral after funeral. In the midst of this deep pain and sorrow, I started to feel a protection and recognized that the only way I could have survived all the chaos and trauma was God Himself. I was a complete disaster, and that is right where God met me. You would think losing so many people to addiction that I would stop myself, but I still couldn't manage to put the bottle down. My children are young adults now, and it's gut-wrenching to know they have now endured some of the same pain I went through. They have watched me simply exist, but not truly live for so long.
BUT GOD! He saved me, raised me up and said it was time for me to rest and heal. Eight years ago, the Holy Spirit sparked my heart through a question that my counselor asked me. "Where did you feel safe as a child?" My answer was at church (even though we hardly ever went to church). Oh, how He moves mountains. God is turning things around for me. He is a healer, and I am overwhelmed by His love for me. I didn't think that I could ever change from who I once was. The resting and healing I have been able to do here at ATCWW has been so life-altering. I have gratitude in my heart. The staff here are set on helping women that struggle with substance abuse, trauma, mental and emotional pain. They help us through the power of Jesus to recover fully and to abide in the one true healer Jesus Christ. I have had a chance to finally just be me. My soul is rested and continues to heal. In Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus says, “Come to me all who are weary and heavily burdened, and I will give you rest (refreshing your souls with salvation). Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest (renewal) for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear and my burden is light.” God continues to show me what to do and is giving me the strength to do it. I am so excited to get back out there as a new creation in Christ and share my story with the world. Recovery, healing and true transformation are possible!