Hello! My name is Alexus, and I am 23 years old. When I was born, my mom was just 17, and my dad was 20 years old. When I was 3 years old, my mom left our family, and we did not reunite until several years later. She was fighting her own battles and struggled with her mental health, which resulted in her sudden and prolonged absence. After my parents divorced, my dad remarried a woman who became my mother figure from age five on. I would say overall I had a pretty good, if not great childhood. I had a big family who loved me unconditionally. I excelled in school, was an athlete, and was always working whenever I had the chance to.
Despite having all these things, I struggled deeply with very low self-esteem and never felt that I was ever good enough. After graduating high school, I decided to stay home and enrolled in community college. My friends all moved away for school, and I would occasionally go and visit them. During one of these visits, I was sexually assaulted by someone I thought was a close friend. I never told anyone about the abuse and blamed myself for what had happened. I felt disgusting and unworthy of love. I found alcohol to be a great coping mechanism and escape from the constant state of shame I lived in.
At 20 years old, I finally moved out into my own apartment. I had a roommate, but that did not go as well as I had hoped. We didn’t get along well at all, and I began to drink even more to deal with the discomfort in my own home. One day in January of 2023, I became very intoxicated and attempted to end my life by swallowing a bunch of pills. This would be the first of many times spent in the psychiatric unit. I began an outpatient treatment program, but despite my efforts to stop drinking, nothing worked.
By March I was dancing with death. I drank so much that my blood alcohol level was 0.67 which is 8x the legal limit. My father found me blue and not breathing and had to perform CPR to save my life. I was rushed to the hospital and needed intensive care. I was intubated, on dialysis, on a ventilator, and was in an alcohol-induced coma. Neurologists told my family if I woke up, I would have significant brain damage.
But GOD. He obviously had other plans for me. I woke up completely fine, no sign of brain damage. I remember the doctor who did some cognitive testing on me saying that I was a miracle for surviving what I did. A couple more failed rehab attempts left me feeling hopeless. During this time, I was also introduced to drugs. Not even a month later I was hospitalized from a fentanyl overdose. Turns out alcohol and fentanyl are not a good combination. At this point, alcohol and drugs were completely consuming my life.
In August of this last year, just months after a final treatment attempt, everything came crashing down. I lost my car, apartment, and job due to my addiction and poor choices. I was losing my family little by little and was on the verge of being homeless. I was finally ready to surrender it all. My aunt and uncle had once told me about Adult and Teen Challenge, so I went over to their house, and they helped me get a game plan together.
I finally made the call. I needed a long-term program, but more than that, I needed God. I have been in the program 5 months now and I can confidently say I am healing, overcoming, and growing every day in ways I didn’t even know I needed! I am alive only by the grace of God. I am working on identifying the root causes of my addiction and why I turned to alcohol and drugs in the first place. There was more deep pain in my heart than I ever knew was there, but God has met me in that messy & broken spot. ATCWW is doing exactly what they promised, providing an opportunity to be freed from my addiction, which I never imagined was possible! I am so blessed to be here and for the first in a long time, excited to be ALIVE. I know God has good plans for me and I am now experiencing the abundant life He promised me in His word.